In retrospect

I have to admit that my sudden urge to post on my blog was brought about by reading my friends' blogs. It's no wonder why I love reality shows than anything else because I love reading and learning about how real people live their lives in this often unforgiving world.

I recently read several posts from a friend, Nines and Anna (well who's the gf of my friend, Chad). What caught me about it is how similar our experiences and reactions are, but (alarming to me maybe), is that I've experienced them 2 years or so ago. I sometimes feel the urge to comment on their posts and haven't because I often felt that people should walk their own journeys. But, what has motivated me to write about both of them, is because a lot of my girlfriends ask me for advice on a lot of things-- most especially about life and love.

To say the very least, I have had a colourful life. I was well, not promiscuous, but something bordering that when I was 17, and was to me in all legal terms sexually harassed to some extent (but I was just too drunk to remember)! It took me 7 years to finish college and I got engaged twice with a guy who I spent 5 years on a turbulent relationship (the reason of why I stayed that long is beyond me!), and married a guy (who I love and adore, by the way) after only 1 month of being us and 2 months of knowing him.

So I guess this post is not only for Nines or Anna, as much as I'd like to address it to all women who are experiencing what their going through too.

This is not my unsolicited advise list, but more of my retrospective musings:

- EXES. I often dread having to see my exes, but I am curious about what they've done with their lives. I've had one ex totally deny that there was another party, when 2 months after I learn that he's with her. I haven't seem him for a year or two and I wonder, what does he look like and how is he doing (not because I really care, but there is a part of me that thinks, well, good riddance and good luck to you!). I know it doesn't sound so forgiving, but I won't apologise for feeling that way. I had an ex tell a common friend the day before I was getting married that he is sincerely happy for me. Sincerely?Duh! What the hell was that all about? I learned two things though: a) you will forget and it will be a happy memory or b) you will still not like him but the pain might just go away little by little.

- What should I do with my life? I was 21 when I knew what I wanted to do with my life. It wasn't an epiphany or some spectacular dramatic instant-- it was , hey, I think I want to do this and then when I did do it, it was a gradual process from getting where I am now (which still isn't the dream job yet) to where I was before. I don't think worrying about what you want to do is an issue, I guess what I probably did to make it at times a difficult journey was I overanalysed things, I listened to what others had to say more than what I had to say. Just do it! is the best mantra in life.

- Self-help/Career. When I was in my early 20s I loved reading self-help books and make yourself better books. Really. I collected them, obsessed about them, highlighted them. But then, as I reached this stage in my life, I realised, that I didn't like reading them anymore not because they weren't true, but because I've learned that the best way to help myself is to do it. Again, as this poet (I forget his name, Mr. Rilke?) once said (and I'm paraphrasing here), live the questions now and soon the answers will come. I take that as live your life now, and later you will know the answers to your questions.

- Love. I am no expert in love. I've had more failed attempts than successful ones. And the successful one was the sweetest one. But one thing I did learn from Mike is that there is no explanation to love. Blame it to my theology and philosophy classes in Ateneo, but I was made to believe (or I made myself to believe) that love is a certain definition, etc. What I failed to realise was that love is love. That's it. It's the knowing that this person that you are spending the rest of your life with will be with you in your journey forever. It's in sharing the chores, supporting them when you probably don't understand why, it is as Mike would say 'di ko nga ma-explain! basta! (with hands up in the air and laughing at my incessant demands for an explanation!).

- Finding Yourself. When I read the Alchemist, given to me when I was in AYLA 2002, gave me the impression that the treasure of yourself is within you. I often here people tell me, I need to find myself. But I've come to realise that finding yourself is not in search of what your likes and dislikes are (as they will change), and what career path you should take. I think it is about accepting who you are. Thus, we should then change finding yourself to accepting yourself. You are who you are and even if you can change, you need to accept who you are and what you are capable of and what your limitations are.

- God. I hate to be preachy, but I have to say this. God has been the most influential being in my life. I have learned that nothing is impossible with God and that He really does know what is best for us. I am not saying wala ka na lang gagawin, but that if you try to do what you can and hope that things will be better, that a time will come when God will make things better for us. He needs us to start the work and we should allow Him to tweak it once in a while.

There. My list of retrospective musings. Again, not advice, but experiences I'd like to share with women my age or younger.

Disclaimer: I'm still in this journey too, and I am still learning as each day passes. I am still struggling and there are days when I get so bored at work, that I'd rather not go (again, normal feeling!). And if you've got something to share to me as well, then do so by all means.

I guess basically what I realise is how much I am enjoying life as it comes, and that I've got to enjoy life as it comes.

(Dedicate this post to my mom, who is the best example of what a woman should be. Kudos to you for being so patient with me and my crazier shenanigans)

Woohoo!

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others.Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise.Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow.You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant.

What's" Your Personality Type?

Success!

100 pages of law readings...

I've gotten through them!

Now, (rolling my sleeves), it's time to tackle the 200 page reading!

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I will try to post pictures of Mike (my husband) cooking pochero.
Sabi ni Mike kaya na raw niya. Ewan ko lang, tignan natin.

Ever since I started first year law, (two years lang naman eh), Mike had to learn how to cook meals as well. So I'd teach him how to do one and he'd try to do it the week after. He now cooks better meatballs than I can. Which is probably good, cause I eat them as well. :)

Mike has been a great inspiration to me. He's such a great guy and I am really damn lucky to have him as my husband.

Okay, apart from his regular duties as husband (wink, wink!)...

he's such a sweetie. He helps with house chores, doing grocery, cleaning the toilet, etc. And has been so supportive with my law studies and career movements (I'm working towards a promotion).

Mike has helped me heal beyond what I can even imagine. When I broke up with my ex fiance, it was really difficult (That in itself is a LONG story), but when I look at Mike now and see what my life with him has become, I would willingly go through every past hurt and pain, because I knew I'd end up with such a great guy.
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:)

A new me, a new year

Went scuba diving during the christmas holidays!!!! That's me... (where were the fishies?)

It's certainly been a while since I last posted on my blog.

No excuses really, just a busy life that swallowed me alive for the past year.
I've got no complaints though.

The busy life consisted of:

- getting engaged for the 2nd time!

- getting married for the first time

- visiting Japan, Rome, Brunei, Singapore, Manila and London all on business

- a chance to get promoted

- winning my first USD 250k proposal!

- started first year at the accelerated LLB program at U of London.

Wasn't such a bad year now was it?

So, to start off- happy new year!