Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Growing and loving into my own
I am slowly (in a couple of weeks) turning 30. I haven't yet turned sentimental- I think that might come on my the day itself.
But one funny thing happened this weekend- while I was getting a haircut. I am so lazy to get a haircut for these reasons: a) I find it hard to explain what I want to Cantonese speaking hairstylists, because I look Chinese, they assume that I want to look like Cantonese pop stars; 2) I don't like to wait- each haircut takes around an hour- shampooing, the checking out, the cutting itself, the blowdrying etc it drives me nuts!; 3) I hate to look at myself in the mirror- I mean can you imagine staring at yourself (and when you're hair is wet you don't look the best!)for an hour- not very good! But one must cut one's hair and must make sure its done regularly. So there I was dreading the experience last Sat- but suprisingly, it was not such a bad experience. In fact, the new stylist was really good but maybe for the first time in the longest time- I've come to accept who I really am- I said okay Jan you hate waiting but what can you do? I don't really like chitchatting with the stylist, so I just sat there in silence, actually enjoying the silence- even my brain was semi-quiet; then when I decided to look at myself in the mirror, I first though- ugh! I hate my cheeks- they're too chubby for my frame (if you know me and seen me, I'm thin- a chubby face in a thin frame does not a pretty face make). Then slowly, I thought hmm, you know what I actually look good- I mean okay maybe not Hollywood material, kahit nga Philippine showbiz material, but who cares? I mean I really look cool. And that never ever happens!! For the first time, I was amazed at that realisation...
Then a few days ago, I thought, hmm, you know what- my life isn't that bad- I mean I've come a long way you know. I know you'd be shocked that this is how I see myself. You see, I don't want to think of myself too highly- I've seen too many people fall from their created ivory towers, and how hard that fall was for them- that I vowed I would never think of myself too highly. But once in a while, I think it's important to be honest with yourself, but also too look at yourself not too harshly- which I was doing. I mean, how many Pinays have achieved what I've done? Very few I would think. Syempre, naisip ko lang yan when a friend told me "I'm so proud of you Jan, sobrang proud dapat ang Pinas sa yo". And my boss told me "You're a very enthusiastic, intelligent person, and I would rather use you for other things- rather than mundane tasks". For the past few months, I've been pretty sad because I thought I wasn't meeting people's expectations of me. Sabi nga Mike sa akin- "eh kanino bang expectations- sa yo or sa ibang tao?" I thought baka di ko ma-reach yung expectations ko.. eh ano nga ba talaga yun, I mean seriously, di ko na ba naabot yung expectations ko? Actually, more than that pa nga ang naabot ko. And how many people can say that before they turn 30? Very few I would think- so how great is that?
So before I turn 30, I do feel deep witin myself that God has said to me- you can reach whatever you set your mind- ESPECIALLY, when you do it with me in mind. Kasi when I moved to London I thought- God, kayo na bahala sa akin- take me where you want me to go. And you know what- God has dreamed a bigger dream than I can dream for myself! I still don't know what that dream God is dreaming for me, what I hope it to be is to be a world respected sustainability expert. Sabi mo God, dream big- so here it is, I've said it out aloud. Sana ito yung dream mo para sa akin- pero if it isn't alam ko na mas bigger pa yung dream nya para sa akin- goodness, ano kaya yun? baby sana hehehe :)
Isn't God great?
But one funny thing happened this weekend- while I was getting a haircut. I am so lazy to get a haircut for these reasons: a) I find it hard to explain what I want to Cantonese speaking hairstylists, because I look Chinese, they assume that I want to look like Cantonese pop stars; 2) I don't like to wait- each haircut takes around an hour- shampooing, the checking out, the cutting itself, the blowdrying etc it drives me nuts!; 3) I hate to look at myself in the mirror- I mean can you imagine staring at yourself (and when you're hair is wet you don't look the best!)for an hour- not very good! But one must cut one's hair and must make sure its done regularly. So there I was dreading the experience last Sat- but suprisingly, it was not such a bad experience. In fact, the new stylist was really good but maybe for the first time in the longest time- I've come to accept who I really am- I said okay Jan you hate waiting but what can you do? I don't really like chitchatting with the stylist, so I just sat there in silence, actually enjoying the silence- even my brain was semi-quiet; then when I decided to look at myself in the mirror, I first though- ugh! I hate my cheeks- they're too chubby for my frame (if you know me and seen me, I'm thin- a chubby face in a thin frame does not a pretty face make). Then slowly, I thought hmm, you know what I actually look good- I mean okay maybe not Hollywood material, kahit nga Philippine showbiz material, but who cares? I mean I really look cool. And that never ever happens!! For the first time, I was amazed at that realisation...
Then a few days ago, I thought, hmm, you know what- my life isn't that bad- I mean I've come a long way you know. I know you'd be shocked that this is how I see myself. You see, I don't want to think of myself too highly- I've seen too many people fall from their created ivory towers, and how hard that fall was for them- that I vowed I would never think of myself too highly. But once in a while, I think it's important to be honest with yourself, but also too look at yourself not too harshly- which I was doing. I mean, how many Pinays have achieved what I've done? Very few I would think. Syempre, naisip ko lang yan when a friend told me "I'm so proud of you Jan, sobrang proud dapat ang Pinas sa yo". And my boss told me "You're a very enthusiastic, intelligent person, and I would rather use you for other things- rather than mundane tasks". For the past few months, I've been pretty sad because I thought I wasn't meeting people's expectations of me. Sabi nga Mike sa akin- "eh kanino bang expectations- sa yo or sa ibang tao?" I thought baka di ko ma-reach yung expectations ko.. eh ano nga ba talaga yun, I mean seriously, di ko na ba naabot yung expectations ko? Actually, more than that pa nga ang naabot ko. And how many people can say that before they turn 30? Very few I would think- so how great is that?
So before I turn 30, I do feel deep witin myself that God has said to me- you can reach whatever you set your mind- ESPECIALLY, when you do it with me in mind. Kasi when I moved to London I thought- God, kayo na bahala sa akin- take me where you want me to go. And you know what- God has dreamed a bigger dream than I can dream for myself! I still don't know what that dream God is dreaming for me, what I hope it to be is to be a world respected sustainability expert. Sabi mo God, dream big- so here it is, I've said it out aloud. Sana ito yung dream mo para sa akin- pero if it isn't alam ko na mas bigger pa yung dream nya para sa akin- goodness, ano kaya yun? baby sana hehehe :)
Isn't God great?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Renew Foundation
I am very passionate about this foundation, being the Board of Director for the Philippines. Please if you are interested in helping, please leave me a comment and I will email you details directly.
Thanks!
Thanks!
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